“I want to create opportunities and guide others to find their F.L.O.W. (Fun, Love, Oneness, Wellbeing)” Amanda Boreham
Most of us when we’ve reach midlife have experienced much diversity in our lives. From the carefree exuberance of our early childhood years to the pressure and burdens of adulthood. We’re led to believe these pressures and burdens are what being an adult is all about, it’s normal and everyone feels the same. We trudge along, almost like ‘ground-hog day’ on life’s treadmill with no clear direction, no sense of purpose and no hope for anything different.
We lose ourselves, we lose that feeling of connection with others, our friends and community and the even the drive for life can begin to slip away. We’re stressed, overwhelmed, unfulfilled and down-right tired. What comes next is often a big dose of guilt or shame for even feeling this way or because we’re not living up to the perceived expectations of others, of society or the way we think we should be, what we should have, how we should feel. We’re constantly asking are we good enough? doing enough? – ARE WE ENOUGH!?
Here’s where the comparisons and the competing begin or start to ramp up. We start comparing ourselves with others and ask why not me, why them? why can’t I have that, look like that, do that, be that? Or conversely we’re the victim, why me? Why did this happen to me? As Theodore Roosevelt wisely reminds us “comparison is the thief of joy.” But still we become even more stuck and can’t see a way forward.
However, there are signs and lessons everywhere once we slow down, relax and take the time to notice. Take Mother Earth for instance. She is a great healer and teacher and she often shows us the way as described in this quote by Zen Shin “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” Again, we often can’t see, we’re too busy on our treadmills to notice, to understand.
Add the comparing with the guilt and dump it onto the stressed out, overwhelmed you and you’ve got your typical midlife crisis. Now this may come in many forms and severity – reckless behaviour, a relationship breakdown, a mental breakdown, a financial crisis or, like me, a physical crisis. Although surviving a stroke at 44 caused me to stop and take a good hard look at myself, for which I am deeply grateful, It’s not a path I’d advise.
I’ve come a long way in a short space of time through a lot of hard personal reflection, shining light into my inner shadows, acknowledging and confronting my fears and working on personal healing. It’s been tough, I’ve had a lot of help along the way and I’ve fallen over again and again. I’ve learned to forgive myself, to love myself, to access my inner strength and power. I’ve learned to follow my heart.
I’ve stopped pretending, I’ve decided to show up ‘warts and all’. It’ been liberating. No more hiding, love me or not (it’s ok either way), this is my true self. I’m a work in progress, my healing is ongoing. I plan to learn and grow and evolve endlessly. It feels too good not to.
I can’t do it alone, I need a community to help me – family, friends, mentors, teachers, like-minded others it’s a team approach.
I need other game-changers to support, guide and teach me, to encourage and inspire me, to collaborate and connect with, to keep me accountable. It’s impossible to do it alone.
If you think of the analogy of a tile or brick, they may look beautiful or interesting on their own but they can only be created into something impactful and substantial when joined, grouped and connected with more of them. Only then can the ‘wow’s’ happen, only then can there be substance, strength and true transformation.
This is what I want for myself, my family and friends, my clients, my community and this world – transformation. I want transformation, I want game-changing, through self-healing and loving community connections. I want to continue to change and grow my inner game so I may guide and create opportunities for others to do the same. I want to inspire others to start their own journey of self-healing so we may all experience more love and connection with ourselves, with others and in the world.
I want to be a game-changer!